The Art of Christian Parenting
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Forgotten Jochebed
We live in a world where for both mothers and fathers, what paid employment you do is regarded as far more important than bringing up children. Christian parents need to press the refresh button and be reminded of the awesome privilege of bringing up children.
Jochebed was the wise mother of Moses. Though her baby was 'kidnapped' by an Egyptian Princess, she had the privilege of bringing him up until he was weaned, so to about the age of 3 or 4, before she had to return him to the palace.
In that short time she was able to pass on to her little son the ways of God so thoroughly that he understood who he was (one of God's people) and who God was, so that at the age of 40 he fully grasped the injustice of Pharaoh against God's people and so began his life-calling as a great leader.
All to mother Jochebed's great credit. And to God's glory.
One Line Parenting Advice
In one deceptively short verse, the apostle Paul, teaches parents how to bring up their kids. Here it goes, Ephesians 6:4:
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
His advice is first a negative - don't get your kids mad, followed by a positive, bring them up in God's ways.
Negatively: Don't get your kids mad!
“Fathers do not exasperate your children.”
Why “fathers” and not “fathers and mothers?”
Because in the Scriptures the male gender is used as shorthand for both genders—just as Paul can say “brothers” when he’s talking to “brothers and sisters.” Paul is talking to mothers here as well as fathers.
Because fathers bear the ultimate responsibility as heads of their homes.
Because fathers all too often back out of this responsibility and delegate to their wives? Probably.
Fathers and mothers, "Don’t get your kids mad!" is Paul's first piece of Holy Spirit inspired parental advice. Paul is talking about a parenting style that does not result in positive outcomes, but only results in constant anger, conflict and strife. Kids will always get mad at their parents; Paul is not saying, “Do absolutely nothing that angers your kids.” No, he’s talking about a negative parenting style. You work it out, what gets a kid mad?
Inconsistency in discipline, either between parents (disagreement between them) or from day to day, or from circumstance to circumstance (i.e. when out in public) gets a kid mad.
Being unreasonable in discipline— too harsh, where the punishment does not fit the crime. Every parent has done it: grounded for the next 75 years!
Injustice—soft on one child, harsh on another for the same crime.
Having favourites? —if you want the rest of your kids to get mad, just make one your favourite! Remember the story of Joseph and his brothers?
Sarcastic or belittling comments?
Refusing to recognise their uniqueness, expecting all the kids to get straight As or all the kids to do well at sports, not recognising they are all different—that’ll get them cross.
Setting too high standards “I can never please mom”.
Only negative parenting, never a word of encouragement! Always on at them.
Smothering them—helicopter parenting, where the parent hovers over them every moment of the day, not allowing them a millimetre of personal space?
There is a negative kind of parenting, says Paul, whose effect is to create exasperated kids. Walk away from that negative path.
Positively: Bring them up in God's Ways
“Instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Those two words, “training” and “instruction” which cover the full range of life training, from education all the way through to discipline.
We might summarise the Apostle's advice like so:
Parents it’s your responsibility parents, not the responsibility of schools, state or church.
We live in a society where everything is provided for us, and where parents can so easily think it is the responsibility of the state to teach our kids maths and English and geography, and the church to teach our kids the Bible.
Scripture corrects all of that and tells parents that they are responsible for bringing up their children: “Fathers”, “Mothers,” “Parents”, for bringing up their children. We may delegate the task of teaching maths to our local school, but not the responsibility. Do you see the difference? The buck stops with the parent. If my kid is doing bad in English, I’ve got to sort that out, I am finally responsible. Paul wants Christian parents to take full responsibility for their children's up-bringing and not to delegate that responsibility to school, state or church.
Parents, discipline your children
Discipline is implied in both of the Greek words. When I was around years old, and our family of 6 kids lived in Karachi, Pakistan, I committed three sins all in a row: I coveted my school teacher’s cigarette lighter (that was sin 1), then stole it (sin 2) and then I devised an elaborate deception to make it mine (sin 3). At the end of school, I walked over to my dad’s Jeep, bent down and pretended that I had found it near the wheel of the car! My parents never taught me to covet, steal or lie, but the seeds of all those sins, coveting, stealing and lying—and of every other sin— were already in my little heart, “Surely I was sinful at birth, in sin my mother conceived me.” (Psalm 51:5).
Why do we need to discipline our children? Because they are born sinners, who left to themselves will naturally go astray. Our task as parents is to lovingly bend the will without breaking the spirit. “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.” (Proverbs 22:15)
The world might say, “Little child are good and perfect, the problem is with their surroundings, it's with their nurture, not with their nature.” But the Bible teaches what parents discover in every child— that we have inherited the disease of sin from Adam and it’s the reason we must exercise loving discipline: to bend the will away from wrong and towards the right, without breaking the spirit.
Parents, you must exercise loving discipline; you work it out for yourselves! If you spare the "rod" you will spoil the child.
Parents teach your children God's ways
In the third place, parents, teach your children God’s ways. I would encourage every parent to read the Bible and to talk about the ways of God at home and in the car in line with Deuteronomy 6:6-7. Pray with them. Don’t delegate that responsibility to the church. What the church does is icing on the cake, the cake itself is your responsibility.
A Christian mother once told me about a conversion regret. She became a believer when her kids were in their early teens. She was so excited to tell them about Jesus but they weren’t interested. She wished she had been converted 10 years earlier and then her children would have listened. (Of course it is never too late for the spirit of God to convert our children, pray for them, but we all know what this mother meant). Read the Bible to your kids during the week. Time is running out. The window of opportunity will soon pass.
Love as the Father loves
And finally, love your kids as the Father loves. How did God the Father show his love to his One and only begotten Son? Do you remember when Jesus was baptised? “This is my Son (MY, so glad he is part of my family) whom I love (tell your kids you love them!); with him I am well pleased.” (Encourage them!) (Matthew 3:17)
And how does God the Father show his love for you and I his adopted children? “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1)
The ultimate model, the high pinnacle of parental love is to be found in God the Father. For those who never had a good parental model, study the Father's love in Scripture. How he loves us, forgives our foibles, cares for us and provides for us so that we do not near to fear today or tomorrow.
“To all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:13)
Pastor's Blog
This post is taken from our Pastor Roy Summers’ blog, where he discusses and comments on a wide range of current subjects and issues both in the world and in the church.